My world: The Cherryblossom Garden

Happy 24th birthday to my dearest. I wish you all the best in your career and in life. (fangirling..)

Today i went to Low yat with a friend. She wanted to get an external hard disk. So i recommend her western digital passport and she bought it.So jealous because last two weeks i searched the whole low yatt for that, but i was out of luck.One or two shops have it in yellow which was so not my color so i chose something cheaper instead.Huhu..

Then we went for lunch at Berjaya Times Square. Have you ever heard of Gasoline? Its on the third floor.I love the place..seriously. The environment is nice and the spooky setting really attract me.A great place to hang out with friends.The Drinks are also excellent, at least those that we ordered.I’ll come again anytime..

Our next stop was GSC. We watched Wanted. From the first moment that I heard about this flick I was eager to watch it.The performance of the main character, Wesley (I dont remember his real name) was just fantastic. He goes through a major cheesy transformation and pulls it off. From a disengaged slacker to a damn cool assasin.hehe..I found it hillarious and believable at the same time. And of course, Angelina Jolie was drop dead gorgeous.However, I think some of the action sequences are so over the top but i dont know. Maybe to all action-movie enthusiast thats how u guys like it,huh? I found the movie thrilling but a bit exhausting. I’ll say that much. Anyways it was a worth rm7. We enjoyed the most of it.

tchau

Yea!! Im done with EIT. I have less than a week to re-engergize all my senses before being tortured for one last final semester in UIA. Couldn’t believe im almost done with my degree. But Its about time. "Dah 4 tahun kat main campus GOMBAK yg kucintai". It will be sad to leave all my friends and that olympic size swimming pool but life needs to go on. It may not be the end, It may be the beginning of something beautiful. Mana tau kan? Hehe..I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

This new semester i bet it’ll be different a little, if not a lot. I want to study all the hell out. Why?? Whats the difference this new semester dgn semester lain?? As this would be my final semester (Insyaallah..), its my only chance to shine and when im done shining,I dont want to do any of this biotech-engineering-research shit. Seriously,its not for me. Maybe it never is. Its me who keep denying it and always push as hard as i could. At the end,it gets really tiring and all you wanna do is puke. But there’s no use regretting. All i can do is hoping i wont make any wrong choices later in life. Like i did now…

I predict it will be a blast seeing all my friends after 2 and half months. I miss them dearly. Even some of my ‘casual’ friends that were never that close. People say absence make heart grows fonder. But absence could also make friendship fades away. And it did happen to me, a couple of times actually. Even best friends have come and gone for all sorts of reason, but the wishfulness remains. I can never look back without regret. When you let go of a friendship, you lose pieces of yourself; chunks of memories, slivers of happier time. And of course there are feelings of abandonment, of grief like no other. You may think its weird but sometimes friendships women form are special and it can be pretty frightening to realize the depth of feeling you can have for a close friend. We’ve spent hours laughing at the silliest jokes, I helped her get over ex-boyfriend and she’s been supporting me through so many crisis. Then suddenly, she ditched me and I finally know what hell feels like. But then again, she also said that we cant have everything we want. Maybe to have both that dreamy new boyfriend and to keep this friendship is impossible after all. Friendship can come and go. It also can bounce back. Who knows…

Im having a hard time. One of the hardest time of my life. At this moment, it seems to me that a friendship fades no matter what you do to try and keep it going. It hurts too when you really want to maintain the friendship, and it fades anyway. I wonder why does it happen? Is it because the other person has gotten bored with the friendship?

I am tired. Damn tired. Tired of saving friendships that I thought is important to me. Maybe it got tiring because im the only who thinks like that,huh?? Am i the only one who remember those good times we once shared-shopping, gossiping and eating out. Then thinking about how times would be when we parted ways and how we would still stay together as friends. What bullshit! The slogan ‘Friends Forever’ was probably invented because it was needed to remind friends that they needed to stay by each other forever, as it was easily forgotten.

I tried really hard to save friendships with friends who really matter to me. But i guess, the busy schedule, new interests, new friends or maybe new relationships is worth more than that piece of friendship after all. And its not because I didn’t try or bother, it’s probably because they don’t know how much they mean to me. And even if they don’t have the slightest clue about how much they mean to me, obviously I mean nothing to them, either. It goes both way. Slipping any friendship away would be easy if it didn’t mean anything at all. But when it means so much that you shared major aspects of your life with these special friends for years, slipping these friendships away is worse than breaking up a relationship.

But what are special friends when they cannot even meet up with you? Or say okay in the beginning and then in the last minute, SMS to say that they can’t make it. And don’t even have the decency to call to apologize or arrange for another meet-up? Perhaps, a simple ‘How are you’ message from these special friends (or we should regard ourselves to be) could make my day. But no. I hate to say that I have always been the one who often had the initiative to arrange for meet-ups. See, I dont have a problem with that - if only friends do eventually turn up, without cancelling on the last minute. And if it is always you giving me the same excuse on why you can’t make it, it’s time you come up with some new excuses or why not spell it out clearly, that you are not interested to meet up with me anymore..so that I can move on with my life without thinking about how I can save this friendship? If you share the same interest as me, I am sure the next time round you would suggest a meet up, but no…it rarely happens.

Because seriously, I have gone from getting pissed to being disappointed to being upset to almost giving up on friends. And it’s not easy at all. It’s not easy to just walk away on a friendship that is deterioting, because I want to do all I can to save it and turn it to where we once were - at our peakest, on our happiest. Because obviously, your friendship matter to me!

From browsing the websites on the net, i have realized one thing. Nothing so far reaching as the human imagination. When people are posting pages that claim to be able to "turn you into a cabbage" (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/2144/), I began to wonder whether the creator of such sites have perhaps found themselves with a bit too much time on their hands. Hmm..

Its that time of the year again. The month of April is almost here. I love April, the best month there is. Why?? first of all, April Fool. Some may think that practical jokes are cruel.Well,it is. If you’re the one being fooled. Haaahha..to those who think that way, why dont you be on the other side for a change. Trust me,its fun. The stories could be told,forever.Hehehe.In my case, Kay should know better. "Ingat kay,next time kalau rent kereta, drive elok2..jangan masuk longkang..nnt owner dia cari.."

I havent blogged for a long time. My life is a mess. In two weeks, im going to present my final year project. Seriously, the more i do research, i understand the topic less. Is that even possible?? I might die on that presentation day,u know? and if i do,some people are gonna get seriously haunted.

Oh..we went out to eat today. Dayah,Sara,Adi n me. Considering i dont eat much this couple of months, an-all-you-can-eat-chicken-buffet might be to much to handle. I enjoy the meal,seriously..but guilty pleasure is a sickness. Im too full to work out when i got back,so i decide to rest until tomorrow. I only eat like a piece of roasted chicken,salad (but of course with all kinds of mayonaise), onion rings and some fruits. Yet, i still feel bloated 5 hours after that. And the guilt?? Literally, it felt like I went out with my best friend’s boyfriend on the sole purpose of making her jeolous. Yup. It sucks.

Anyways,wish me luck ok. I still have a long way to go on that fitness thing. Gambatte!

       I suddenly realized that I have been faced with the prospect of leaving a friendship that becomes difficult because of conflicting ideas and interest. Should one go or stay? People are so different from one another that it is a wonder that relationships can form at all. This is what makes friendship such a beautiful thing. But it is also the reason it is so fragile, making a lifelong friends so rare as to seem almost surreal. That, and the fact that people change so much through the course of their lives is another reason why friendships are put to the test so much. Our friends discover new interests that are different from ours, and soon, we have trouble relating to each other. What usually happens is that they will encourage us to take up their new interest too, keeping the friendship going. But what happens when the things they want you to pick up go against all your principles? Do your compromise your morals to keep a friend??

I read somewhere once that how we see others is often determined by how much we share their values. Typically, we get along with people that share certain interests. But individuals that share our values are the ones that become our closest companions. Friends and acquaintances are not the same. Friends are firmer, more important relationships that u need to nurture and build. The latter u can afford to lose. If you find yourself sharing similar interests, but constantly at odds over values, u may need to reclassify those friends as acquaintances.

Today is not a good day. Im having it real bad. Forget the details of why im like this and just trust me. Today, i woke up at noon,feeling dizzy and damn hungry. Took a bath,which somehow makes me feel presurred..(??). Brushing my teeth and combing my hair suddenly feels way too complicated. I’ve taken 11 hour nap i still feel like crap. Yet,i have to do my FYP report. It felt like i’ve done 85 things and accomplished nothing. How bad is that?? If i have the money, i’ll definetely overhoul my wardrobe or maybe migrate to Tokyo.

I need my sanity back. but how? I need it before midnight because there is a 56 pages report waiting to be done (or at least started..)

Maybe i need an emotional makeover. See whats really behind my grumpiness

1. I’ll start with something to make me let loose and get some endorphins. Hmm..maybe watching a romantic comedy. Ok..13 going on 30. set!

2. Next. Maybe i have the problem of having to prove myself every single time. Im a staunch believer in constant control. Hmm..no wonder i always feel exhausted. So,i need to stop proving myself. Accept other people’s opinions even if they contradict mine. For once, i should sit back and learn to say never mind. Avoid stress caused by unnesessary confrontations. hmm..ok..good one.

3. Do more of what im good at. (Not my friends..) When im stressed out i always do something i like. Hobbies definetely keeping me sane. This is definetely the main cause of my stress. Im spending way to much time doing my friends’s hobbies, instead of mine. Everytime im doing it, i had fun. Enjoying every second of hanging out. But, in my circle of good friends,they dont think the way i do. Their priorities are way different than mine. They had fun doing what we did but I’ll always have this feeling of guilty pleasure. I cannot bare to hang out until late night talking about rock climbing or mountain climbing when im having 3 quizzes tomorrow and assignments to finish. I dont dare to jeopardise my gpa for that kind of fun. Not that they’re not good people,they really are. Just that.we have different priorities. Maybe its me who tags along everytime. Ok,that can be adjusted. No problem

Wow..suddenly i feel relieved.So,that was the thing that makes me feel like shit. Those guilty pleasures. Hmm..ok,solved!

Hey people. Hows life? I hope yours is better than mine. The new semester has already entered its third week. The first two weeks were a bit blur. I dont remember paying much attention in class but i do remember playing outside until the break of down for almost everyday. Hahah..yup..I am a bit wild sometimes. Nino had to went back to Sarawak for a while.  Im sure as hell will miss her until she come back. Really hoping she will. Sob sob.

Anyways, Im back on track now. Im catching up in class and already started on my final year project (FYP) research. The topic itself is somewhat challenging. "STUDY OF TRANSCRIPTION FOR EURYCOMANONE FROM EURYCOMA LONGIFOLIA".wait..did i say ’somewhat challenging’?? what an obvious lie. It is sure as hell challenging. I can already forseen the long hours of lab work and all those weekend im going to stay in campus. But i hope its going to be worth it. Damn hoping it will..Huuhh..!!

As we grow up..

We learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time.

You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You’ll fight with your best friend.

You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

I talked to Aiman last night and he said the exam result will be out next monday. Im pretty much ready for a mood swing-PMS-like mode. Damn,i wanna score this time. Really do. Have been putting  lots of effort and time into my studies. Sure hoping it paid of. If not, somebody shoot me please. I wanna hibernate for a while. and be ready for FYP (final year project) this new semester. Still cannot believe Im almost a final year student in college. Graduating soon,bebeh. Oh yeah..YEEEE HAAAA!!! !@#$%^* GO TO HELL! @#$%